Folding my sheets

Usually story unfolds but here stories are getting rustling in my sheets. Many a day ago it happened and I was excited and never got a chance to stop the rustling of the stories left in my sheets. It’s happening again and this time i donno whether i am taking time or acting dormant willingly.

Things are going fast. And i don’t know whether i need this thing happening or not. Turbulent were the past times and the times ahead maybe turbulent or serene, either way i am taking the path. My heart is in it’s place while my mind is still playing games. As the prefrontal cortex is in control now my emotional path way is not kicking in as a small baby who gets hurt, later never do the same thing again as the fear being hurt overcomes the joy of the finding something new.

Nascent in me feelings, Thoughts old as a tree, Here i stand not at cross roads but on the road. As the little thing called Hope is still keeping me alive and thriving to take the road and pursue.

Keeping my fingers crossed. Wishing that I could do something stupid again in my life for the one. Gimme strength to believe.

Then i crumpled all the stories which i took over from the sheets and going to burn them and fold the sheets. Then wait for a clean start, however dirty it might get and messy it may be. I donno whether i can tackle but i am ready atleast i know.

The DAY it was so much to offer……

I never CHANGE….. Does that mean I never accept change or I never need change..

It was a like droplet on LOTUS LEAF……

It was difficult to talk………..

I am sill whining…… about lot of things…….

I was gazing……

I was moved…..

I had a haircut and a great time at saloon…

I did have a great time spent @AIRTEL showroom in madhapur…and my hello tune rocks

I am single again and I am still confused at this… whether I should cherish or curse for that…..

I used to enjoy solace… now I shop more… :(

Fan got repaired… and got cleaned and shining….

My weight is getting heavy on me….

Arts are always ignored… our priorities in this world are making us dumb……

What else this day has to offer I am waiting…

Its Haunting..........................

…………………..

Ya ….. its haunting. When I am into my casual work of learning Linux and stopped it for a break to have supper came out of my room. Yesterday night it suddenly morphed itself to a new mode. The chill mode…usually at nine it is used to be normal everybody roaming on the road and house wives making muggulu [a native art of India which is made in front of their homes for well being of their families] and keeping a gossip, today its deserted like a street in a ghost movie where nothing moves, and nobody on street I re-checked my watch to confirm whether I am late to supper….

To my astonishment the chillness and fluttering of semi wet leaves are like clutters on radar of my heart where everything seemed to be peaceful and calm. Today I didn’t even have music playing on my background while working so everything seemed eternal serenity and these dead noises making me feel nauseated and disturbing the aura of tranquility around me. The balanced life of mine is left disturbed due to the void or null space of not having any work.

Might be this chillness around in the air making me feel like that. I don’t know? Might be I know, and I am unable to confront the truth because I am scared……. The whispers of wind taking my mind, as if hypnotizing me for its dull, depressed and feeling of vulnerability. Being alone I love. I never felt so scared of being alone I love what ever it is but now I fear loneliness because I am feared by knowing how vulnerable I am.

Now, I hit the road again to finish my routine of the day by walking around after my dinner. Its clueless and didn’t have any sign boards of the way what I have to follow, and this made my vision blur and my thoughts fuzzy and my way smudge. I thought this obnubilation is due to inner controls of my mind but found that it has been drizzling from long time that caused my vision go boggling. The rain never had been in such a small quantity.

Then I prayed, to my inner self where I believe some instinct is there which links god who is the master of all things, to increase the intensity of rain, let it rain as a whole I can’t take it in such small amounts. I felt anguish due to my thoughts twisting my heart slowly releasing the pain like this rain which never changed its intensity and kept on pouring so slowly that it is testing my patience and pushing me to the extremes to break down and let loose my emotions.

Oh God!!!!!!! Nothing ever changed. I am the one tormented. The wind is getting fiercefull just adding the dirt to the drizzles and making me dirt mentioning that I have to get rid of these dire thoughts as similar as to washing myself to get rid of the dirt from my body.

Reached into the borrow of mine to comfort myself like a nomad settling himself the only difference is here I am turbulent and running my thoughts all over in a similar way of nomad. So, getting comfortable in my borrow made me feel me better as I am back into thick things which made me feel warm and normal and the winds still blowing the water still falling more like a fog less like a rain. And I in my bed, leaving everything outside the door and unaffected by the dead ness and sorrow ness from the new mode of weather fallen asleep and to a sound sleep of non-wavering dreams.