Appealing to EGO—Is Love?

Having aloo paratha with no oil served hot with tomato achar is a delight with a hot tea beside. While eating my mind just flipped through few movies, which led me to initiate the thought process and start the conversation. With my roomie who eventually is the victim. :P of my weird thoughts.

I said that appealing to one’s ego will be the only reason and the cause to fall in love. Or to put it simple, when your ego gets satisfied then you fall in love. It sounded weird to me in the beginning.

Case 1:

Assume you have a guy/girl and you are flirting with him/her and he/she is comfortable with you around and you are trying to impress him/her and which is eventually making him/her comfortable. And now that person being happy in the comfort zone and never leaves. Suddenly one day a person can be opposite sex or the same one, shows up with their attitude.

And as this new person’s attitude is so different from the gang he/she hang’s out. Now, being bored after prolonged stay in the comfort zone, the guy/girl feels that he/she is neglected. So, they now to satisfy their ego, they go around this new person.

And when anybody is doing this they feel the satisfaction by seeing the change in the person’s attitude and growing interest on him/her. This being new to this guy feels that he/she is made for her/him. They propose and live happily ever after.

Conclusion: To be in love you needed to be satisfied with your ego and be at right time in one’s life when they are bored.

Here the ego makes us fall in love.

Case 2:

You both are friends from childhood and living your life happily and felt that you will be happier if you continue this for ever through out your life. So, those two decided to fall in love and continue their journey and they lived happily ever after.

Conclusion: Why can’t they try others? Why did they only stick to themselves? What made them do that? The answer would be the fear of loss. Something they can’t take it. They feel that they both make the better match and don’t depart.

It is like a little cub being in zoo and never taught hunting can never do hunting. So, the fear of not knowing to get food makes it to stay in the zoo. The same logic applies to the above stated category of people too…

Here for those the pain of not changing is less than the pain of changing.

From here me and my roomie argued that as I was only considering hypothetical things and what I talk is bull shit.. Which many may accept also…. :D

Case 3:

Now the third type is the people who are in dire need of emotional support or anything. Some times when you are wounded all you search is for a shrine. But, shrine can’t be a home. Home becomes a shrine. But, shrine can never become a home.

Based on the above statement what I try to pull out is, when you are in need of something, and somebody provides you with that. You will be thankful and can return their help in future in whatever form they needed rather than that what do us eventually do is to go fall in love with them and continue our lives with them.

As mentioned earlier the need is temporary one have to evaluate options before going in for a commitment. Being thankful is not love. And instead of repaying we end up committed to wrong person ruining both lives.

Conclusion: When you are out of relationship you weave everything of your life with that person and when that person quits you don’t want to hang in vacuum so you catch hold of a helping and live there.

Here the fear of not having anything leads them to fall in love.

Case 4:

As I am not writing a book anything as of now, I will end with this last case. You will be married which is arranged. What one does is to adjust and love the person and it will be same from the other side too. All you have to do is chill and carry on with what you are doing.

Now suddenly one day you find a perfect match for you and you will be more than happy with that person. But, you can’t go with that person as you are entangled in a bond. After pursuing hard I came to know that few are willing to go if the married person is ok with it. And many won’t leave the partner at all if they had kids.

And many condemned the concept that perfect person for me is an absurdity and it will not be there as nobody is perfect. So, my wife or husband is what or whom I love and live with.

Conclusion:

Fear of being blamed by society.

Fear of being not loyal.

Fear of uncertainty. [Assuming that the new person may leave like you who left your family]

Fear of loss of belief.

There is nothing wrong in falling in love with anybody. If that person is in love with another and they both are happy. We shouldn’t have to interfere. Have to just stay on the beaches by not boarding to sail for life with them. Because those two’s egos are appealing to each other.

Emotional need, fear, and many more lead us to fall in love and everybody has their own reason to be in love. And there is nothing wrong with that. Just stick to what ever you do. Once done be happy with it. And stop regretting. That will help us all to lead better lives and have faith on our fellow beings.

Hope this was helpful to judge my title.

The difference between words Friendship and Love…

One day as usual one of my friend who is into a little turbulence in his life messaged me to know my take on this topic:

Q: “Is Friendship so feeble a thing that it has to end sometime and is Love the only ever lasting glory…”

X: “Friendship and Love are not to be defined by the very meaning of it…. It is actually defined by the people who are involved in it. There are friends who stay life long and love that breaks…. It is basically the people who are involved in that make the difference nothing else….”

ME: “when the very definition depends on persons who r in love or friendship then it makes that every person has their own definition of Friendship and Love as they have the power to choose the person in that relation. And their needs and demands give new dimensions to those two words.”

Now Q says that,

Q: “Friendship has got limitations while Love is not… they both are two separate different arenas filled with different kinds of emotions.”

ME: “According to me there is nothing feeble or Glorifying in this world and I condemn the very basic definitions of Love and Friendship. Everything is Perspective in this world. And to me as mentioned above love and friendship are defined by their own needs.

Everybody wants a emotional support, and to have that emotional support we lean on other humans.. and take their support to stand straight in the society… which is built again in a false bubble of expectations and rules… and more materialistic things… while being in a relative world we always compare us with some body else to feel secure about us or our position. Rather than thriving to be ahead on ur own and setting goals on us by us… we always set goals for others and our decisions are influenced by others.

And people call Love a Glory because to satisfy themselves and also the other person to show that they are the higher priorities in their life. So, that ones ego is satisfied. We categorize people based on our needs as Friends and Lovers. And we reveal partially to both of them. We hold secrets to both… and to satisfy the society and our ego and the love’s or friends ego we maintain certain distance among each others…

Nothing ends until or unless we want to end it. Because we have found a better emotional back up or support that satisfies our ego. And sometimes we continue to sail on both boats so that we get the full emotional back up… and to satisfy our ego we lie to people in both relations… Once, the boats sailing together now sail apart. By making it difficult to make the voyage of one’s life any more peaceful. As we keep the keys of our happiness into others hands to satisfy their ego…

Neither Friendship nor Love ends… they are just needs we wanted and proclaimed them by not being fully truthful to us. You cannot blame the other person, if you are not hundred percent truthful and committed to ur relationship with the other person in the relation.

You are always the key to choose…. So, don’t make a wrong choice.”

Actually this chat went one sided… expecting others to continue… here…..

Why the great leaders or Kings or Gods are thrown out….

People always want somebody to guard them and keep them happy so that they can live happily ever after… They are jus reluctant to take responsibility and they call somebody who can do something beyond their ability…

It was pretty much relevant as the fire bearer will be called as god in old tribes… similar to that…They never knew it is the effort that they have to put to become a god… [Usually effort for to make themselves better]…and it can be achieved by giving enough amount of priority to brain to think…

Now, once when they attribute this god name to a human they expect him/her to perform daily… This is ridiculous he/she can’t be the savior of all everybody has their own requirements or tasks to achieve.. Their need made them to put the effort not their zeal…
Sometimes it can be zeal and usually this zeal to achieve something is an effect from need…

That is another topic……when the performance degrades or something happens… and the GOD named candidate is unable to bring out the miracle once again…people loose their belief and revolutions happen and great empires are thrown down to eat dirt…

This is what has been happening and will happen…. May be there is a solution…next time I shall come to u with it… or else if u have throw it on to me….

Why are our emotions so complicated?

One day one of my best friend and co-author of this blog asked me….
Usually I used to be the asking side while he used to be on the other side of answering.. he is an awesome techie guy… any tech doubts jus ask him… that’s it…u got the answer and an awesome legendary reply…

The reply to that message was……
They [emotions] are so simple ……. When ever we try to think of them…. We never stay in a single time domain… And also the external factors like peer pressure and some other depending on our personality and our social network and economical health and few more let us consider those factors which will manipulate our emotions. That is what making them complicated….

As those factors are volatile and never stay same in the time so do our emotions.

So, when one turns back and checks one neither exists.. in your old emotional state or the altered emotion state… so, to escape the chaos or meta state one switches to new emotional state exactly speaking it can be said as running away or adapting to new requirements of yours which are influenced by external factors…

Now, when u keep on running u end up every time in a new destination as u never take the same turn again… in the path u travelled and neither listen to the suggestions by experienced persons…

So, when u try to co-relate two differently time bound quantities u can’t relate them.. As the time domain is changing one, you can never be static…in one state… so, it leads to the maker of emotions think that emotions are complex….

The Conversation-I……..

There were these two fellows… whom I know very well… and were always had few different and great opinions to count on about many nice things and I had a privilege to witness one of such chat……..
On the basis of chat and the topic they were talking led me to change the names and keep the secrecy……

hamsa: hii maami….

mayuri: wats up
hamsa: nothing reyyy.. just filing in some forms
mayuri: ohh k k
hamsa: Not a big deal.. I am not so busy.. tell me… how r things with u going on…

mayuri: wat r u usin re….i hav to send a file
hamsa: what did u do this weekend
i am using Gmail
mayuri: went to brunch to chutneys that’s it
hamsa: with whom
mayuri: ohhhh…… my roomie re…U know na vijay and I are living together/// I did like milk a lot…The performance is awesome… sean penn’s acting is too gud…and Benjamin button didn’t bag according to ur expectations na… how do u feel… come on tell the mike is on,.,… :P

hamsa: what ever it is my feelings are the same maami… To these white people slumdog millionaire is a new concept not for us
mayuri: gud gud… Nice opinion…. U seem to grown upp… :P
hamsa: i felt that atleast best movie would go to Benjamin button
mayuri: U r telling this because this benjamin’s concept is new to us… that’s it…..
hamsa: but wat to do .. these ppl just dont want to be out of the box..
No maami..seriously telling that this Benjamin button concept is nice na… mayuri: they never went out of box re.. the concept is nice only…For them it is not new and not so impact giving…
hamsa: tats wat.. they just want to follow the awards of golden globe and Bafta..
i agree when it comes to Music.. and direction yeah slum dog can take it..
but atleast they shud have given curious a best movie award..
mayuri: he laid emphasis on work ethics, which hitherto had been conspicuous in the Indian mindset…… what does this mean?
hamsa: i havent seen milk but even the trailers i have seen made me feel he must have done well..
mayuri: hehehe
he is awesome
i saw the movie na
nice one he deserves it
hamsa: But, I was angry when they came to Oscar stage and hailing that Gay are great…
mayuri: Nothin like that he told that everybody is equal in that movie…. Everybody has to bow in front of Love and Love is the ultimate one… that was the message sent out hamsa…
hamsa: I was fuming about this maami… and I was angry on this country too… for supporting such a crap… Love is different and a relationship between two men is different… maami… Inter course between two men is a unnatural phenomenon…
In our India they have clear distinction between affection love and concern…

mayuri: many couples even though bcoz of indifferences stay together. Because sex life keeps them together.
Ya when u can get all those love affection and concetn from somebody why cant sex? Is their feeling. Its not wrong. They didnt ask u to be a homo na

hamsa: Ok leave it… Don’t we have love and affection between two of us… ????
Isn’t there in a family there is love and affection in between father and kids, between two sisters and brothers you will find love and affection. Similarly between two friends like us maami…love and affection exists..
mayuri: It will exist I am not saying no to that re….
But, in our country do you know the percentage of children undergoing child abuse is so high… and you can’t even imagine the agony they faced.

hamsa: i dont agree that sex keeps two ppl together.. maami…
mayuri: those things r not said out…hamsa bcoz our society is like tat… it helps
but it is not the sole reason…..
hamsa: if it is for sex why shud we marry maami one can go to brothel and get the sex
mayuri: But, you need to have a motive to have intercourse…. one cant be stimulated jus like tat
hamsa: ha aha .. The only motive behind sex is to satiate the natural demands of our bowels anthee
mayuri: yes i dont say no
hamsa: let me tell you maami Sex u can do it mechanically.. also..
mayuri: buttt it is also one of the reason…
u cant do it mechanically it is also emotional
hamsa: but love is some thing u do it with heart..
mayuri: sometimes when couples are in a turmoil they turn towards sex…… for sex also u need heart it is a state of mind
hamsa: i havent heard of some thing like that so far..
mayuri: u r hearing now
then
u need to be mentalluy stimulated
hamsa: I don’t know maami I am anti-gay…
mayuri: first and people take it as a shrine
i am not supporting them but i am not anti
let them be there
u dont knw what happenss to turn people into like tat
hamsa: Sex between male and female.... has the potential to give life... that life resembles love between the people that took part in the intercourse..
may be i do not know..
but tats certainly sumthing that i would not advocate
mayuri: ok what about dogs does puppies resemble
anything
even i wont advocate to anybody
hamsa: do u say that dogs dont love their puppies they do maami..
hamsa: and one more thing Man is not an animal maami he is having higher level of mind..
mayuri: i am tellin they dont do love for puppies
no way there is no other upper echleon of species
so they think they are smarter beings on earth… That’s it

hamsa: ella maami you have the ability to think wat is good and bad.. they cannot..
you have atleast the ability to realize the existence of god they do not...
mayuri: gud an bad relative hamsa
god is also a state of mind
when there is no chance human takes god as the last resort…That’s it…
he/she gets peace in his shrine
hamsa: nope your state of mind cannot control the entire universe an these many wonders that unfold in everyday life
mayuri: they r unknown so u credit them to god
hamsa: may be it is difficult for u to accept that god is unique and existing but he/she is there..
mayuri: u dont want to stand bare naked without belief
so, we always cover ourselves with the clothes of belief
It is a belief
what does god have hw do u diff him from others then
hamsa: just when you lie down ask ur self.. how things that happen in a very controlled fashion happen every day...
mayuri: every body every organism
does it
iam not anti god
hamsa: even a single thing that you want to do needs a lot of planning and control of a lot of energies of ur own..
mayuri: i am jus tellin it is a bubble of belief
hamsa: u will understand that..
mayuri: yesss
so u say power is wat makes god
might b the so called god is somewhere fought with somebody and created something like earth like a child does it with mud
hamsa: bubble is sumthing that u re very uncertain when it breaks..
No… god is in every thing.. he/she is every form of energy u see..
mayuri: u make it certain by believing that it is unbreakable as god is there
ani
so u call form of energy as god
hamsa: every feeling u have is something that even god has ..
mayuri: then what makes him special that he created this univ
so creation makes god
or controlled creation makes god
we think that we r in a gud place
That’s it na
hamsa: a child can create sumthing out of mud but he cannot create life maami..
mayuri: so when somethin gud happens we attribute to god
not to somebody who made it or ur potential which made it
might be god is child who is havin the power of givin life
hamsa: tell me something do u know of the story that Vishwamitra.. Tried to create.. a parallel universe to god..
mayuri: he was unsuccessful that’s why when people say they want us to fear god
thats wy they tell that story
hamsa: he could create a similar species of many things trees, mountains and so on. but when it comes to giving life he failed..
mayuri: and one more thing how many stories we hear are so much exaggerated from rumours to truths..
tell me
hamsa: you need not fear god maami.. u need to fear evil..
mayuri: ya he failed so giving life makes god
what is evil
hamsa: the evil in us, evil in the society,
mayuri: yes u draw a line and u say people on the other line are evil
That’s it na
hamsa: any thing does not help you realize the existence of god..
mayuri: line never stays in same location it is relative
hamsa: nope.. u cannot seperate it by line.. maami..
mayuri: i am not telling that god exists
so what is evil u need a villan to hero
dark to light na…
hamsa: Can i ask u some thing do u believe in the Karma concept??
mayuri: whats that
hamsa: Karma
i guess even so many westerners are aware of this word..
i find it surprising that u dont know this one
mayuri: I am asking wat does it mean to u?
hamsa: every thing that you do has its repurcussions...
do u believe in that??
mayuri: thataaa ok ok
that is a game hamsa when u hit somethin it goes on hittin many and returns to the same one who hit it

hamsa: who designed that game??
mayuri: is that god
hamsa: if it is a game ther shud be some one who have designed it right?
mayuri: i am sayin nervacahanam to god is creator
yes but there is no need to pray him but to admire him
and manipulate the game
hamsa: you cannot change it by praying to god.. maami..
mayuri: there are ways to manipulate them and win over the monotony and become a protoganist
i am not tellin tat prayin to god changes it
manipulation is all the game na
hamsa: you can get things that re good in return only if u do good..
wat exactly do u mean by manipulation??
mayuri: what is good then
hamsa: anything that brings to u and the society happiness..
mayuri: manipulation is makin that u never end the circle so tat u never get hurt
happiness comes when u grow wheat when there is no wheat and there is no land
and when u grow wheat again when there is lot of wheat again
it wont give u the happiness
so isn't that perpective
hamsa: so u mean to say my having some material object in certain quantity u will be happy??
if that is the case why re people who re rich enuf to buy anything re not happy..
mayuri: no way happiness is some how related to that
are the poor happy
hamsa: can u say that the poor re not happy..
mayuri: can u say that rich r not happy
hamsa: it is a state of mind when you have things that you like...
mayuri: yaa that is wat i am tellin
one day u will b happy nxt day u wont
hamsa: I can say that any person who believes that what ever he gets in this world can make happy is unhappy..
mayuri: rephrae plz
hamsa: so is there some thing called absolute happiness and what state of mind does a man require to dwell in that state??
mayuri: no way nothin like tat
nothin satisfies human as he is in continuous pursuit

“Lack of opportunity makes people good ones.
Opportunity to do bad makes them bad people” That’s it
so.... its jus that little oppurtunity
hamsa: do u accept that people of the older generations lived a happier lyf than we do now??
mayuri: no i wont say
hamsa: good..
mayuri: that they dont aspire much as they know their physical limits
hamsa: soo when and where does this pursuit end?
mayuri: so they confine themselves
never it ends…. that is the fun of this game
hamsa: every thing shud culminate in somethig right?
ha ah ..
thats why u say man can never be happy.. right??
mayuri: yesss
those r temporary
stops
hamsa: have ever heard of something called bhakti yoga??
mayuri: when u r dyin u kwn that u cant do any more so u feel happy what u have achieved and u die……. That’s it.////
nope i am anti yoga it broke my teeth
hamsa: haah ..
mayuri: :D
hamsa: did u ever sit next to a person on his deathbed..
when he/she is in the last minutes.. of his lyf??
mayuri: hmmmmmmmmm
i dont think so
i never did
hamsa: so u re not sure that a person will be happy before death right??
mayuri: i dont knw ante but i am sure
hamsa: what makes u sure??
mayuri: k i am wrong it depends now
if they have to achieve or left with some responsibilities
then they might be worried
hamsa: do u know that before death a lot of people will excrete their feaceal matter..
mayuri: yes
i knw tat
hamsa: when a persons pursuit never comes to an end... his/her acheivements also can never come to an end maami
and by the way what are these responsibilities??
mayuri: i accept with tat
so live like every day is last day and u achieve enuf to go to bed without worries
responsibilities are a plan made by us to control our little worlds
hamsa: depends on how u look at them if u think that it is some thing u shud do it .. it is a responsibility else it is not..
soo responsibilities are also never ending..
mayuri: now u r tellin it is again the state of the mind
hamsa: thats wat i am saying unless u realize there are thing beyond ur control and u are here to do things under the supervision of some supreme power.. u will never realize when things end..
ur acheivements.. and ur responsibilities..
i guess tats the essence of Bhagavad Gita
mayuri: that is not supreme power that is ur inability to do somethin
those are constraints for our species
hamsa: so.. what are ur abilities?? u mean to say every person has all the abilities maami??
mayuri: i say every person hasss the chance of using their abilities
not same abilities
hamsa: do u think i have the same abilities as u do??
mayuri: but constraints are same
hamsa: who told a person that u shud have only these abilities??
mayuri: and many constraints are made by us to hinder our growth
nobody it is the geographical and social factors that affectd u
hamsa: if you are born in a poor family and u have a financial constraint u think tats made by urself??
why are u ther in that geographicla area??
is it ur choice?? if it is ur choice when did u make it??
and who approved ur choice??
mayuri: u think of choice because we always
think of better
to b clear we think that others lives are better
hamsa: what is better??
mayuri: it is relative
what u have is the best
and u have to make the best out of it
hamsa: again come to square one..
mayuri: search and pursuits never end
hamsa: there are so many standards in this world be it physics or chemistry... or any thing u take..
why do u thing people have a standard??
mayuri: to compare
hamsa: and to acheive right?/
mayuri: and to not run the same turn again
hamsa: ha ha a..
mayuri: that is a comfort
hamsa: maami thats what happens when we keep running in circles..
the path never ends..
ur run never ends..
tats what we do as human beings..
mayuri: rather running stand still
dont run
when u knw jus dont run
hamsa: the irony u cannot be a kid all ur lyf??
u have no choice of not running??
i guess u understand what i am saying?
mayuri: i have but and u have everybody has but they never choose
hamsa: if they have any choice that is to realize that the only way they can stop running is to come out of those circles..
mayuri: no u can stay in circle
u run bcoz u r runnin along with the flow
That means when u stop everything around u stops
if u come out of the circle u r running out of the situation not makin out of the situation
hamsa: does a stone in a flowing river stop the river from flowing maami??
mayuri: but it might have stayed back rather than flowing
with it
hamsa: when u are coming out of that circle it means u escalated ur level
then u do not have the beauty of river...
mayuri: yess u will b running into another circle na…..
beauty is again what u seee
hamsa: if u stop running u do not have the beauty of lyf
mayuri: i am askin to stop runing not tryin
hamsa: what if you go to the center of the circle??
do u think u need to run?
mayuri: if u r dependent on some other factors u have to run
with respect to that circle like milky way movin around somethin else
while earth moving around sun
so..... interdependency should be avoided
hamsa: thats what dont be dependent on this path of a circle.. cut urself 4m tat path and go to the center
mayuri: cutting is not i am askin……….. i am askin u to use the circle
hamsa: you will have no external forces.. and u need not run and u will be happy
mayuri: cutting off is running off
happiness is not in the picture
here
if happiness is a state
it changes like a season
hamsa: if u are intelligent u will always choose the most stable position..
mayuri: stable for that point of time
naaa
hamsa: in a whirlwhind it is the center of it..
time is again one more form of energy maami... it is also relative maami
mayuri: yaaa so @ one point of timeeee
hamsa: u want to go to some thing that is stable eternally that does not have any limitations of any form of energy..
mayuri: to achieve what
hamsa: happiness
eternally
mayuri: r u sure
eternallly
in the sense u may live upto 100 yrs
hamsa: soo many physical principles we learn ..
mayuri: till then u want be happy so u ruin
others happiness
hamsa: have we experienced them we believe them.. and they work for us..
similarly we have to believe the eternity and it will work.. too
mayuri: ohhh nice one so u say that u can do that
hamsa: any man in this world is not happy in the absolute sense they re happy that point of time.. in those circumstances tats all
nope..
i dont say i can do that..
i believe human has the ability to do that
he has all the intelligence ... being the highest form of life inthis world..
mayuri: u r a human so u do so
hamsa: he/she has the intelligence to realize the existence of god..
mayuri: bcoz there is no other next level of species
no he/she fears inside and created a character called god who can solve the problem beyond his abilities
hamsa: i am just a human.. i still have the influence of all the forms of energy in this world..
mayuri: u r not utilizin it might be
hamsa: i am running too.. i believe that if we follow the path said in the hindu Sastras.. i can do that...
for tat we have to have highest level of self realization...
mayuri: gud aren't we
hamsa: not influenced by the material attractivenes..
mayuri: having taht realization
hamsa: i cant even stop ogling at a guy who is handsome..
mayuri: they say material attractiveness because
hamsa: coz??
mayuri: lemme tell u...... the so called god is similar to a kid who never uses the same toy again as he is bored and here we r stuck in this world with so many toys
taht we r goin hay wire
and to play with all those @ cost of our life
which is pathetic
hamsa: ok maami..enough
mayuri: enough for the day
go and finish the work… :(
hamsa: keep this to urself maami.. one day i ma sure u will acknowledge the fact that he is not a mere kid.. or a human..
mayuri: ok
lets wait
i will b waiting……………………………